Towels

The sound of his cell phone sounding out a “door knock” at six in the morning woke him in a panic attack. He opened his eyes and panicked that the room was dark even though his eyes felt open. He had not been asleep too deeply because he was too concerned thinking about the plans he had made. He was unconsciously making ideas happen in his mind and watching the details of how they would turn out. He needed confidence that those ideas which he had conjured would come true. He thought deeply again. This time as he was awake and staring into darkness he could feel the emotions which he had somehow turned off in his sleep. He had somehow turned off his emotions so that he no longer felt anything but at that moment he was feeling something and it hurt. He thought perhaps what he had been thinking was a lie and that pain was the unease of a lie coming true. He didn’t want to feel or believe a lie any more so he forgot the thought. Once again the pain went away and was replaced by a new thought. The thought of why he was thinking the idea anyway. 

He thought of who the idea pertained to and what could be the cause for the emotion that was associated with the person and the idea and the person with the thought.

He thought once again that the person had died or was going to die or was going to kill themselves and he was sad. This time he was not sad for himself but for the person whom he believed he would lose. He was torn between losing a person and losing himself and then he discerned the truth. Neither he nor the person he suspected of dying were really gone. He was alone in this thought and felt more at ease knowing that he just was not with the person of whom he had been thinking yet he had already lost her because she was no longer with him. What he was feeling was loss. He grieved for her for a moment and then decided to take a shower.

In the bathroom there were so many ordinary objects which he could not discern as his own. The objects were in the room and stationary but he conceived that they were all floating around him. He could feel the power of the earth’s rotation as the objects moved along with him through space and time. He opened the closet, two towels to choose from. The top one was black. A black fuzzy large towel folded neatly and on top of a pink towel. The pink towel was smaller.